Monday, August 31, 2009

Lecturing and Being Lectured

I'm not too sure how it is with other cultures but in Asian and Chinese cultures, people like to lecture. Especially when they believe they are more experienced.

Over the weekend, I had a few experiences of being lectured at and being lecturish myself. Neither states of mind which I am particularly pleased with. What is it that causes us to behave this way? Our society, our environment, our upbringing? Genes?

One such lecturish incident over the weekend began as a discussion with my sis about setting up a F&B venture during breakfast. It quickly went from a discussion of how to start the venture and its costs to how I should think in starting the venture.

Another incident happened only last night on the phone with S. I found myself dispensing my advice more than sharing an experience when she was told me about something that's been bugging her.

I have never found this lecturing quite productive. Nobody likes to be lectured. I will admit, me even more so than others. The only time when I have seen people receptive of being 'taught' is in a classroom or a formal educational setting. In any other setting, the information being transferred is coupled with the emotion and perception that the transmitter is just being high and mighty.

Or perhaps it is just me.

I've never believed that a person with experience, and often the leader, should be lecturish. If something is not done right, it should be "I need this info." or "We need a better picture. Can we do this instead?" Rather than "That is how you should start thinking about this. In the big picture, ......" or "I'm sure it will be the same because this is human nature. People do ....." where the lecture continues for the next 5 or 10 mins.

I believe there are two parts to the cause for such behaviour: something I call pedestalism and awareness of a time and place for everything.

Quite often during NS, I found myself feeling like I had to teach my men. I felt I was more knowledgeable and more worldly-wise which led me to believe I was above them all and felt the need to educate them. Now I see it in others around me. Like it is their mission to educate and guide.

Such is Asian culture where leadership equates to wisdom, guidance and pedestalism - followers placing leaders on a pedestal and leaders placing themselves on a pedestal. I'm not sure if it is the same in other cultures but I do not think it is the best of practices even if it is the same.

And I believe it is in part due to how people select leaders.

People who talk more are generally listened to more. And people who speak with authority about a topic are generally viewed as a leader regardless of the substance of their speech and veracity of their claims, arguments and opinions.

I refer to authority in two senses - assertion and knowledge. It is easy to fake assertion but not knowledge. I'm of the belief that the latter leads to the former and the former often manifests itself as bossy, high and mighty, combative emotional behaviour which I think should not be the case. I will say that I might be wrong considering I am still young and have not experienced much of the world yet. This view is from my own twenty odd years of existence.

I am digressing slightly here.

With authority, and as mentioned, I remember feeling like I needed to educate my men on the proper ways of conduct during NS. And I felt the impulse to do so at every incident or instance. Which leads me to the second point of having a time and place for everything including lectures.

I do not think that lectures are destructive and have no place in communication. I just think there is a time and place for them. For example, during an aftermath review session when people are sitting down ready to receive and give feedback. The unfortunate thing, as I notice often happening, is that most people do not bother about aftermath reviews. Peer reviews and appraisal processes happen but not aftermath reviews.

But what about the times when aftermath reviews are not possible and there isn't a structured process like cultivating a relationship? My own belief is that either we be straight up with someone, choose a good time to express ourselves or just plain too bad and respect the fact that others act and think a certain way.

Looking at it from another point of view, this whole thing about being lecturish could very well just be a matter of choosing the right words.

I guess in a way this whole post has been mostly a rant. Still, lecturing and being lectured at are some things I've been grappling with for a very long time and do not believe to be healthy practices. It is not a habit I am proud of or like being at the receiving end of but unfortunately it happens despite my best efforts to curb it. Most frustrating of all, it appears to be a norm.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Ridiculous

Now, this is ridiculous. Ridiculous because the guy actually let his girlfriend do that to him. Has he got no balls? Maybe he didn't have them in the first place so he doesn't mind it. But regardless, where is his dignity?

Then again, if he doesn't have the dignity and balls then this had better be a wake up call.

Ohyes, it is ridiculous also because his girlfriend acted this way.

http://multimedia.asiaone.com/Multimedia/Vodcast/Story/A1Multimedia20090827-7722.html

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hmmmm.....

This is a screenshot from a blog maintained by a chain of restaurants in Beijing selling, IMO, very good grilled fish.



It looks great especially with that nice looking dish in the middle there. One thing I don't understand is what the picture of a female's posterior is doing on the top left corner. The blog indicates that the picture is meant as the profile picture of the blog's author.

I have an inkling of why it is there but I shan't go into details. :)

That aside, here's the chain's website in case anyone is looking for good eats in Beijing. They do serve some good shit.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Pi(e)

Here's an interesting site.

The Pi World Ranking List

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Kai-ism

The return of Kai-isms! Maybe. For those who have never read my old blogs, Kai-isms are little snippets of philosophies about the going-ons in life which I come up with every now and then. One of the most famous being "If A sees, then B sees. If B sees, then C sees. So, If A sees, C sees." That referred to how a group of guys behave when an attractive girl walks by.

Lately, my brain has dried up on its supply of Kai-isms but last night it miraculously squeezed one out.

"Don't use a butter knife to kill a cow. At least use a steak knife."

This refers to using the right tools to do things. S and I were chatting on the phone about buying a new frying pan when this came up.

It makes no sense to me to use a butter knife to kill a cow. The animal will even laugh at you. Maybe squirt some milk too and you'll get La Vache Qui Rit cheese after that.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Happy National Day

I realise I have not put up my singapore flag. and ya, national day is over. nevermind, now I put up video about being a singaporean. no need flag. show video more kut lat. i heart singapore ok.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Hahaa....

Some funny or ironic bits I picked up while reading the papers over the past few days.

Disclaimer: One particular bit has a racist connotation but I'll like to say that I'm not racist nor am I trying to spread racism. I just found it funny.

  • Recently a case of bullying in prison had come up. A prison inmate accused a group of fellow inmates of assaulting him and sexually abusing him including sodomising him. One of his attackers/sodomisers was a best friend. While testifying, the victim said that he had learnt not to trust anyone after the incident and that what his former best friend did hurt him, "it was like being stabbed in the back."

  • A maid who was raped by a Bangladeshi at 11pm in her employer's house could not positively identify the man because she claimed that it was too dark during the night of the crime.

  • One of Singapore's richest man and founder of Metro, Ong Tjoe Kim, has passed away. The obituaries were filled with condolences from various organisations. Some were full page spreads. Oddly enough, not one was a coloured obit. Two other people, one 39 year old male and a little boy, had theirs in full colour.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I want nobody nobody but you! - Part III

And another by a group of korean girls. I think they do it better. Then again, maybe it's bcos of their dresses. Black so they appear slimmer. :p

I so need to stop this.

I want nobody nobody but you! - Part II

I realise this is getting slightly out of hand but I can't help it. Here's a video of robots dancing to "Nobody".