Lecturing and Being Lectured
I'm not too sure how it is with other cultures but in Asian and Chinese cultures, people like to lecture. Especially when they believe they are more experienced.
Over the weekend, I had a few experiences of being lectured at and being lecturish myself. Neither states of mind which I am particularly pleased with. What is it that causes us to behave this way? Our society, our environment, our upbringing? Genes?
One such lecturish incident over the weekend began as a discussion with my sis about setting up a F&B venture during breakfast. It quickly went from a discussion of how to start the venture and its costs to how I should think in starting the venture.
Another incident happened only last night on the phone with S. I found myself dispensing my advice more than sharing an experience when she was told me about something that's been bugging her.
I have never found this lecturing quite productive. Nobody likes to be lectured. I will admit, me even more so than others. The only time when I have seen people receptive of being 'taught' is in a classroom or a formal educational setting. In any other setting, the information being transferred is coupled with the emotion and perception that the transmitter is just being high and mighty.
Or perhaps it is just me.
I've never believed that a person with experience, and often the leader, should be lecturish. If something is not done right, it should be "I need this info." or "We need a better picture. Can we do this instead?" Rather than "That is how you should start thinking about this. In the big picture, ......" or "I'm sure it will be the same because this is human nature. People do ....." where the lecture continues for the next 5 or 10 mins.
I believe there are two parts to the cause for such behaviour: something I call pedestalism and awareness of a time and place for everything.
Quite often during NS, I found myself feeling like I had to teach my men. I felt I was more knowledgeable and more worldly-wise which led me to believe I was above them all and felt the need to educate them. Now I see it in others around me. Like it is their mission to educate and guide.
Such is Asian culture where leadership equates to wisdom, guidance and pedestalism - followers placing leaders on a pedestal and leaders placing themselves on a pedestal. I'm not sure if it is the same in other cultures but I do not think it is the best of practices even if it is the same.
And I believe it is in part due to how people select leaders.
People who talk more are generally listened to more. And people who speak with authority about a topic are generally viewed as a leader regardless of the substance of their speech and veracity of their claims, arguments and opinions.
I refer to authority in two senses - assertion and knowledge. It is easy to fake assertion but not knowledge. I'm of the belief that the latter leads to the former and the former often manifests itself as bossy, high and mighty, combative emotional behaviour which I think should not be the case. I will say that I might be wrong considering I am still young and have not experienced much of the world yet. This view is from my own twenty odd years of existence.
I am digressing slightly here.
With authority, and as mentioned, I remember feeling like I needed to educate my men on the proper ways of conduct during NS. And I felt the impulse to do so at every incident or instance. Which leads me to the second point of having a time and place for everything including lectures.
I do not think that lectures are destructive and have no place in communication. I just think there is a time and place for them. For example, during an aftermath review session when people are sitting down ready to receive and give feedback. The unfortunate thing, as I notice often happening, is that most people do not bother about aftermath reviews. Peer reviews and appraisal processes happen but not aftermath reviews.
But what about the times when aftermath reviews are not possible and there isn't a structured process like cultivating a relationship? My own belief is that either we be straight up with someone, choose a good time to express ourselves or just plain too bad and respect the fact that others act and think a certain way.
Looking at it from another point of view, this whole thing about being lecturish could very well just be a matter of choosing the right words.
I guess in a way this whole post has been mostly a rant. Still, lecturing and being lectured at are some things I've been grappling with for a very long time and do not believe to be healthy practices. It is not a habit I am proud of or like being at the receiving end of but unfortunately it happens despite my best efforts to curb it. Most frustrating of all, it appears to be a norm.
Over the weekend, I had a few experiences of being lectured at and being lecturish myself. Neither states of mind which I am particularly pleased with. What is it that causes us to behave this way? Our society, our environment, our upbringing? Genes?
One such lecturish incident over the weekend began as a discussion with my sis about setting up a F&B venture during breakfast. It quickly went from a discussion of how to start the venture and its costs to how I should think in starting the venture.
Another incident happened only last night on the phone with S. I found myself dispensing my advice more than sharing an experience when she was told me about something that's been bugging her.
I have never found this lecturing quite productive. Nobody likes to be lectured. I will admit, me even more so than others. The only time when I have seen people receptive of being 'taught' is in a classroom or a formal educational setting. In any other setting, the information being transferred is coupled with the emotion and perception that the transmitter is just being high and mighty.
Or perhaps it is just me.
I've never believed that a person with experience, and often the leader, should be lecturish. If something is not done right, it should be "I need this info." or "We need a better picture. Can we do this instead?" Rather than "That is how you should start thinking about this. In the big picture, ......" or "I'm sure it will be the same because this is human nature. People do ....." where the lecture continues for the next 5 or 10 mins.
I believe there are two parts to the cause for such behaviour: something I call pedestalism and awareness of a time and place for everything.
Quite often during NS, I found myself feeling like I had to teach my men. I felt I was more knowledgeable and more worldly-wise which led me to believe I was above them all and felt the need to educate them. Now I see it in others around me. Like it is their mission to educate and guide.
Such is Asian culture where leadership equates to wisdom, guidance and pedestalism - followers placing leaders on a pedestal and leaders placing themselves on a pedestal. I'm not sure if it is the same in other cultures but I do not think it is the best of practices even if it is the same.
And I believe it is in part due to how people select leaders.
People who talk more are generally listened to more. And people who speak with authority about a topic are generally viewed as a leader regardless of the substance of their speech and veracity of their claims, arguments and opinions.
I refer to authority in two senses - assertion and knowledge. It is easy to fake assertion but not knowledge. I'm of the belief that the latter leads to the former and the former often manifests itself as bossy, high and mighty, combative emotional behaviour which I think should not be the case. I will say that I might be wrong considering I am still young and have not experienced much of the world yet. This view is from my own twenty odd years of existence.
I am digressing slightly here.
With authority, and as mentioned, I remember feeling like I needed to educate my men on the proper ways of conduct during NS. And I felt the impulse to do so at every incident or instance. Which leads me to the second point of having a time and place for everything including lectures.
I do not think that lectures are destructive and have no place in communication. I just think there is a time and place for them. For example, during an aftermath review session when people are sitting down ready to receive and give feedback. The unfortunate thing, as I notice often happening, is that most people do not bother about aftermath reviews. Peer reviews and appraisal processes happen but not aftermath reviews.
But what about the times when aftermath reviews are not possible and there isn't a structured process like cultivating a relationship? My own belief is that either we be straight up with someone, choose a good time to express ourselves or just plain too bad and respect the fact that others act and think a certain way.
Looking at it from another point of view, this whole thing about being lecturish could very well just be a matter of choosing the right words.
I guess in a way this whole post has been mostly a rant. Still, lecturing and being lectured at are some things I've been grappling with for a very long time and do not believe to be healthy practices. It is not a habit I am proud of or like being at the receiving end of but unfortunately it happens despite my best efforts to curb it. Most frustrating of all, it appears to be a norm.
posted by Ic3nCok3 at 11:19 AM
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