these past two months have been seemingly endless a rollercoaster ride. to the extent that im surprised im still in one piece. actually, scratch that. if i were to consider the months since the beginning of this year, then i would be able to say i crashed and burned at least once.
that one time probably made the time during these past two months look like a walk in the park.
i think it is time to throw it all out. i broke up with J. Now I am together with S.
S: Sorry, M's taken by a certain very crazy, very boisterous and very 38 friend.
J played a very large part in my life. i recognize that. and in certain ways, i do consider it to have been a pity that we had to part ways. not because she wanted to but bcos i did for reasons i do not want to elaborate here bcos they are reasons that have no definite standing in what is right and wrong. the only thing i did was to make a choice and choose a path. i can only hope from here on, J finds her way and finds someone suitable who would be able to stand by her. and i, on the other hand, find my own way as well.
with S, this past half a week has been.......i can't seem to find the word for it. obviously, enough's been happening to prompt me to write this post. it is an accummulation of different events that have elapsed over the past month i guess. finding out more about S as we get closer. learning about things that turn out to be very hard pills to swallow.
yes, this is me being emo. can? im not used to it either. think im turning wimpy.
die lah. got new gf and im turning into a char bor. liddat how?! role reversal. cham cham cham.
looking back at my old posts, i noticed how ive gradually changed in the way i think, lost my humour, lost my sense of well being, lost my self expression and lost my flair in language. that last one probably caused me to find less joy in blogging and also the loss in self expression.
now losing my sexual identity also. cham. if only estrogen was non-existent in men.
a combination of factors, not just one, has contributed to this gradual decline i believe. my job, which although ive managed to do fairly well in, has had a certain effect of taking away my self expression as well.
i have neglected my friends for a large part of these past few years due in part to my constant chasing of the neverending list of goals i have but also how i've tried to shape my daily activities to cater to having J in my life.
that is past now. and whilst i would like to say there is a bright future ahead, i cannot say it without knowing that many things need to change and there are many uncertainties. there are bright spots in the horizon and a few dark ones as well.
ohwell, enuff of the mushy stuff. that's depressing. i am a guy for goodness sake. i cant be mushing all the time. it is un-manly-like.
i need to brog more often. and brog more often i shall. i suspect most of it will be after im done with my GMAT tho. and that's coming along good. i think. i need to be putting in more practice tho. the test is a month away. i just hope the next month will not see as many surprises as this month has seen. power to me!
till the next!
