Fatigue

i shld be studying right now. but i guess it's not often nowadays that i feel that sudden urge to write, and since being in a reflective mood has helped unearth one such urge, i thought i might as well drop a post seeing how dated the last post is.

ironically, one of the things that ive been pondering abt those past few minutes is the same reason why i decided to drop a post here. not entirely a sense of "awww, why not. after all it's been awhile." im talking more abt procrastination. in a bid to put off having to study somemore, ive found an excuse a rational reason for me to do so. which is rubbish actually. i shld be thrown off a cliff for doing this and considering how often i do it - procrastinate i mean, not post on my blog.

rubbish - a word that ive started to use more often nowadays. probably due to my time with J. she rubbishes me alot for the nonsensical things i say and do. then again, in my books, she does a fair share of nonsense as well.

there is however a real reason behind the procrastinating. something that runs pretty deep and its been bugging me these past few days. particularly because of the workload the past week. work was pretty intense over the week. left me with very little time to do any kind of studying for my impending exam. and looking at it, i am starting to wonder if all of this is worth it.

i guess that's one of the drawbacks of being shortsighted and benefits driven. the end product is a person who is driven by short term rewards. i do however tend to believe that the converse (being long sighted and benefits driven) is not exactly the better mould of a person's character either. neither ways of life are exactly beneficial or detrimental in their own sense. yet it is really really difficult to split it down the middle. at least i find it so.

if i had to bring an analogy into the picture, i would say life is like learning to walk in the middle of the road with all the traffic of rush hour.

staying on the sides is easy. getting into the thick of it and getting smashed over and over again is immensely difficult. makes staying on the sides seem so much better just purely because it is safer. which now begs the question that's been digging at me quite recently, is it all worth it?

hard to equate the worth of being run over again and again. and unfortunately i don't think anyone has super-powers that will allow him/her to get smashed and say, "that tickles." it's a nice thought still.

again, this might just be fatigue on my part. it brings about alot of uncertainty and apprehension. fatigue would be just part of the process, everything else is still the same. i just need to bite on it and keep going. too much pondering does turn a person to mush. so does too much procrastination. literally. i shld be continuing with my studying. perhaps ill do it brainlessly for a while. keeps all the questions at bay at least for now, until the tide passes. before that tho, here are some figures i came up with a few minutes ago. not new actually.

the life of a man in sinapore - in percentages (assuming he lives to 75 and retires at 65)
24% - Education (from primary school to university)
53.33% - Work
22.66% - Being a toddler (includes second child hood)

Blue Monday

today did not start out too good. not a good way to start the week for that matter. kinda made a few careless but costly mistakes at work last wk that blew up in my face today. left my boss with a frown on her face. i didnt get a lashing from her nor did i get a lecture. but she did ask me to think how to improve on the way i process the work.

back at my old company, i would have gotten hell already by now.

perhaps it's bcos im lucky to have such a patient boss or im still relatively new and inexperienced in this new line so she's sparing me for now. dunno, think ill just have to wait and see.

things are starting to settle down alittle. work's good. though i do have doubts on whether i would stay here for long. not bcos the place is not good. but bcos i somehow don't know if i wanna do this stuff for the long run. then again, it's early days still. think ill run through the next yr and see.

side-note, i know i waxed lyrical abt my phone (Samsung U600) the last time round. but, after nearly 6mths of usage, im not waxing as much as i was initially. the form is great. the features are cool. but the battery is rubbish and the basic functionality is just garbage.

there have been countless occasions where ive found myself without battery power and without means of communication since i got this phone. there are 3 bars on the battery indicator but effectively just one. once the first bar disappears, the last 2 are pretty negligible.

basic functionality sucks. i cant seem to put in as many characters as i want to in calendar entries or the names of contacts and i cant seem to select an alternative number in a contact to send a message unless i type out the number itself in the recipients list.

im tempted to just go back to a nokia right now. perhaps the new 6500 classic. call me a nokia fan i guess. im just not used to any other interface.

Hmmmm.......

now here's something interesting:
http://sg.biz.yahoo.com/071004/1/4bn1f.html

im wondering if singaporeans use the same international standards mentioned in the article. then again, i would think we need less stringent measures to ensure our economy does not fall due to our lack of.........drive.