Erections
well.....the rallies are going on now......and actually i would really love to attend one.......but, exams forbid me to do so.........still, watching the nightly round ups shown on tv have shown me enuff to think up a post on how to be a singapore politician......
1. While making a speech, wave the object of symbolised in your party's flag around. example, the Worker's Party's hammer. Even if the object is just a toy that squeaks. it will either make you look menacing or endearing if u keep waving it and hitting it to make it squeak......then again, it might make you look stupid too.
2. Talk like a tua kang. loosely translated: big hole. the bigger a kang (hole) you are, the more pple will follow you. cos a u r a politician, u r on the stage, so being a tua kang only helps to amplify your seemingly great abilities. it wont make u look bad.
3. use your party's initials to make new labels that hopefully will replace the old, not-so-nice labels thought up by the opposition. although it will probably be forgotten as soon as the rally is over and listeners will probably jus default back to the not-so-nice labels, it shows you are damn strong and wont stand for even the smallest poke by the opposition.
4. hurl everything you can at your opponent. even if it is the nittiest and the grittiest. as long as you make the audience laugh, you are a star in their eyes.
5. money makes the world go round, and it will garner you friends and votes. either propose policies that will promise savings to the common man or make it rain money from the sky.
6. if u are a young person entering politics that has a choice of which party to join, choose the one with the nicest togs. clean crisp whites look very good compared to faded blue polo tees. even the not-so-old-but-not-really-young female candidates are looking pretty fine. ohyes, white makes its wearer look bigger too.......so a tua kang will look tua-er.
7. in sg, as politician, ya gotta know how to speak dialect. jokes in dialect are funnier not only to the older generation cos they understand u, they appeal to the younger english educated voters too cos it is foreign and unheard of to them.
8. pple love to think they are not stupid. keep emphasizing that while u ply them with slapstick jokes and harp on small little nitty gritty issues. get the pple to cheer on your chant slogans abt the nitty gritty issues which you have made out be intelligent issues. this way they will help make them think they are smart too.
9. start off every election by taking out your opponents in any way you can. even if it means making them bankrupt. no money = sway kang (small hole). sway kang cannot make noise. only know how to whistle.
10. if you are on the recieving end, better practise your whistling. cos in sg, if u kena sued by a strong opposition political party member, other than jus kissing your life goodbye, your sway kang can be useful for making abit of noise so that you look like a dying martyr.
too bad i cant get any1 reading this to chant some slogans with me......then i would have succeeded in point number 8.
1. While making a speech, wave the object of symbolised in your party's flag around. example, the Worker's Party's hammer. Even if the object is just a toy that squeaks. it will either make you look menacing or endearing if u keep waving it and hitting it to make it squeak......then again, it might make you look stupid too.
2. Talk like a tua kang. loosely translated: big hole. the bigger a kang (hole) you are, the more pple will follow you. cos a u r a politician, u r on the stage, so being a tua kang only helps to amplify your seemingly great abilities. it wont make u look bad.
3. use your party's initials to make new labels that hopefully will replace the old, not-so-nice labels thought up by the opposition. although it will probably be forgotten as soon as the rally is over and listeners will probably jus default back to the not-so-nice labels, it shows you are damn strong and wont stand for even the smallest poke by the opposition.
4. hurl everything you can at your opponent. even if it is the nittiest and the grittiest. as long as you make the audience laugh, you are a star in their eyes.
5. money makes the world go round, and it will garner you friends and votes. either propose policies that will promise savings to the common man or make it rain money from the sky.
6. if u are a young person entering politics that has a choice of which party to join, choose the one with the nicest togs. clean crisp whites look very good compared to faded blue polo tees. even the not-so-old-but-not-really-young female candidates are looking pretty fine. ohyes, white makes its wearer look bigger too.......so a tua kang will look tua-er.
7. in sg, as politician, ya gotta know how to speak dialect. jokes in dialect are funnier not only to the older generation cos they understand u, they appeal to the younger english educated voters too cos it is foreign and unheard of to them.
8. pple love to think they are not stupid. keep emphasizing that while u ply them with slapstick jokes and harp on small little nitty gritty issues. get the pple to cheer on your chant slogans abt the nitty gritty issues which you have made out be intelligent issues. this way they will help make them think they are smart too.
9. start off every election by taking out your opponents in any way you can. even if it means making them bankrupt. no money = sway kang (small hole). sway kang cannot make noise. only know how to whistle.
10. if you are on the recieving end, better practise your whistling. cos in sg, if u kena sued by a strong opposition political party member, other than jus kissing your life goodbye, your sway kang can be useful for making abit of noise so that you look like a dying martyr.
too bad i cant get any1 reading this to chant some slogans with me......then i would have succeeded in point number 8.
posted by Ic3nCok3 at 10:46 PM
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